His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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