just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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