Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
