a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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