I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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