tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize