well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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