So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
