Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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