No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
