addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
