I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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