final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
