Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Enjoy the penises
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
