Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
