just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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