dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
