I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
