i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
