you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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