ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
