Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
