May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
