Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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