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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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