Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
