Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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