I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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