I'm lost and stupid without you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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