3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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