Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
