Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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