Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
