My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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