I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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