Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
