I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
