Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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