Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
MIDGETS
????
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
