So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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