I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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