A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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