i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
