But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
