How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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