You're a womanizer and a bitch.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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