In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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