I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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