yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
