and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
