He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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