We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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