ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
