just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
