I am in a vortex of obligation.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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