you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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