i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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