I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
