She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
