dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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