you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
