this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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