Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
