she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
