Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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