The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
