it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
