We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
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Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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