Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
