I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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