I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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