Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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