Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
